PROCESSES
1) Auditory – through how things sound.
2) Visual – through how things look.
3) Kinaesthetic – through doing
4) Olfactory – through how things smell.
5) Gustatory – through how things taste.
Many people know that we process with these elements; each person can be categorised into one way of processing, depending on which way the person learns best BUT, here is what many people do not know:
WE DO NOT ONLY PROCESS IN ONE OF THESE WAYS, WE PROCESS USING ALL FIVE!
Ok, so one is predominantly used more than the other four, but by ignoring the other ways of processing you are missing out on a whole host of opportunities.
HERES THE COMPLICATED BIT
Just try to follow me with this, then reread if necessary.
We could say our brain is made up of two parts: the conscious and the unconscious. The Conscious brain is what is active now as you read this booklet, as you think of any thought etc. Your unconscious controls things like breathing, body language etc, things we usually take for granted. Imagine having to think every time you wanted to breath, or every time you wanted your heart to beat, what a pain that would be! The unconscious also controls how we process information. To have the best rapport possible with a person, you need to process information in the same way, or at least appear as though you do. If we can determine the way a person processes information; we could mimic this and we would have firm grounds for the beginnings of a strong rapport. This is exactly what this next section teaches.
DETERMINING THE PROCESSING PATTERNS
So we know that we need to find out how a person processes information but how?
You need to begin to think to learn and talk in terms of process rather than content. I know this seems alien to most people because a conversation usually revolves around the content rather than the processes involved.
Process is, lets say “sending a message to someone”, whereas content is “the communication device we use” For example, we can either use a mobile telephone, or email to send the message, because ultimately, we will be sending the same message.
We will only focus on the first three of the processing types for now.
So, back to finding out the processing patterns. We need to ask questions to gain our information; this takes only a few minutes at the most to uncover. Again, the questions we ask must refer to the process, not the content.
Example: “What made you choose to go to…….for your holidays?”
Let’s see if you can discover what processing pattern I use.
Now when I think about that question, my answer would be that there is a lot to do in the location, many night clubs and beaches etc, I really enjoy going out and having a good time, so ……is the perfect place for me. Also, other than at night times, it is really quiet and peaceful which I like, until it gets past 8pm, then I am out to the town for a party! ………Is also a really nice place, the beaches are pure white, and the sea is totally crystal clear, it is engrossed by beautiful countryside and ancient historic landmarks. Where do I go on holidays? Ha! I aint te
As I said before, the content isn’t important, the process is. So what if you worked for a holiday company and you want me to buy a different holiday. Well, you would first describe what you can do there, what the music is like/ whether it is a quite town etc and finally what it looks like. Therefore you are using the same processing style as me. If you do it in that order convincingly, I will want the holiday. Remember, the order you say the information is just as important as the details of the holiday itself. lling!
EXAMPLE CONVERSATION
You are on a date; the topic of conversation turns to holidays. Bold text is the responses you get.
“So, what made you go to Majorca then?”
“Well, Spain is such a lovely country, and Majorca was just my first thought really. It has really long narrow beaches, white sand, clear sea etc.”
“Nice! And what did you notice when you got there?”
“I realised it was really noisy, everyone seemed to be having fun, singing and shouting etc!”
“Wow! Sounds great! And what did you notice after the people singing etc?”
“Well, there are lots of things to do over there, you can do water-sports, go out to the town, lots of things!”
So, you have worked out your date’s processing patterns. Now to put them to practice!
But first a brief word on the importance of carefully selecting words.
Because people process in different ways, their language will also alter slightly, using different verbs than other people would do. For example, a primarily visual processor may say “I can picture him now” whereas a primarily auditory processor would say “He rings a bell”
So when a person says “tone it down” a kinaesthetic person has to unconsciously translate this to “be quieter”. If we learn to use the correct processing language for a person, they don’t need to translate what we say, and therefore feel a strong rapport with us.
So, back to the example above.
Later in the conversation, you begin to talk about past loves. You already now exactly how s/he processes, so as long as you use the correct words, you can achieve a strong rapport sensation within the next few sentences you say.
Let’s remind ourselves. The subject is firstly Visual, then Auditory, then Kinaesthetic.
“I think it is just great when you see that special person, you can just picture yourself with him/her, seeing you chatting to them, even to the point where you know that the idea of you and him/her together just sounds right, and you say to yourself “I could really get to love this guy/girl” you know, in that tone of voice. And everything seems to just feel so natural when you are with them, you get a tingly feeling, sometimes butterflies even!” Can you imagine that too?
CON
See how simple this really is? But at the end of this conversation, the other person involved will feel a strong sense of rapport with you, as though they can tell you anything and have known you for years. This is very effective, though only an example, to understand the true powers of this, you need to go and test it a few times, think of some other words different types of people would use. Also by combining this with techniques such as “Anchorage” and “Marking” which we will begin to look at in the next chapter, you will have sure-fire ways of cheating the chemistry in creating Rapport.
THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL
One of the most important elements into creating a strong rapport is the use of the eyes. Many people fail to understand how powerful it can be to actually look into a person’s eyes when talking to them. When in conversation, you will notice that a lot of the time you will not be making strong eye contact with the subject, it is extremely vital that you try to make eye contact, and lots of it when creating a strong rapport. It will make a lot of difference to the results you get, and the subject will suddenly feel compelled to look into your eyes too when they talk to you. It allows the subject to feel as though they can be totally honest with you and they will feel a strong bond between the two of you, which is a great foundation for building a strong rapport with this person. Need I say more? CLUSION
THOUGHT PROCESSING
Another way of distinguishing which way a person processes information is by the use of their eyes again. When you ask the person a question; which requires them to use their brain and think about the answer; you will notice that their eyes loose contact with yours and will shift to a difference place than what we would expect as being normal. For instance, the eyes may look up and to the right. This is because the person is trying to visualise an event, therefore you can take into account that they are first visualising this information. The eyes may look to one side, this is because they are an auditory processor and the subject is trying to remember what was being said at that point in time, or what could be heard. Also, people may look downwards; this is because they are trying to remember what they were doing in the memory, or what was being done then. This is because they processed the information Kinaesthetically.
This Diagram explains it as well.
Another idea that has come across to a few people as well as me, is that we may be able to tell whether this person is thinking of the past or future. Generally when told to think of the future, the subject’s eyes will look in the direction of the way they process information (refer to the diagram) but they will look towards whatever “handed” they are.
EXAMPLE
“Can you please think about a memory, no, lets make this interesting, think about something you want to happen in the future…describe to me what you are thinking about.”
The person looks to their RIGHT (so they are right handed) and looks upward, this is because they process the information visually.
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